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Hazel Epperson-Scott, 2, and her sister, Violet, 4, help their dad, Ben Epperson and grandfather, Bob Scott, at right, clear some of the massive trees that fell across Scott’s driveway near Fayetteville. The girls and their parents came to help their grandparents, something experts say can help children deal with trauma by giving them a way to contribute. (The Huntsville Times/Kay Campbell)

HUNTSVILLE, Alabama — Your house is fine, if unelectrified. Your children are fine. Even your car dodged the hail stones.

So why, amid the blush of gratitude for survival, are you feeling a deep ache?

“Devastation affects everyone in the area, even if you didn’t lose anyone,” said Dr. Margaret Bibb, a psychologist who practices in Huntsville. “We experience a sense of being out of control, that safety is an illusion – that hits everyone,” Bibb said.

For young children, it can be particularly disillusioning: For the first time they realize that grownups can not always keep them safe, that mom and dad can’t always make everything OK, that really scary things can happen in their own town, neighborhood, home.

People can get through this, Bibb said, by keeping in mind the big picture – and remembering the even wider devastation facing people in Tuscaloosa, for instance, can help with that.

“Times like this can also bring out the very best in people,” Bibb said. “Most people pull together and help each other. Getting out and helping to re-build, like with Habitat for Humanity, is extremely connecting and very healing.”

The American Red Cross was among agencies Saturday fielding calls from people eager to help others, a spokesperson there said. Many said that besides wanting to help their neighbors, they were ready to leave their un-electrified homes.

Helping others is one of the best ways to work through a time of tragedy, Bibb said. And it can be particularly good for children because it gives them a way to channel their anxiety and to help re-establish order, even if it’s just as minor as stacking firewood cut from trees down in a neighbor’s yard.

Telling the story of the storm is one of the first and most natural reactions, Bibb said, and is another way people sort through the chaos of their own memories to impose a narrative on the debris of details and sensations. That’s why, she said, you will hear people on street corners and porches sharing their stories of the storm.

Making sure children have the opportunity to tell their stories their own ways is also important, she said, whether that involves drawings or acting out the storm with their toys.

“Telling the story is very therapeutic,” Bibb said. “People need to get their memories out and deal with the trauma. And sharing a story gives them a sense of a shared experience and lets them know: They are not alone.”

“In telling the story, it gives, at some level, a sense of control,” Bibb said. “And it gives you the opportunity to change the ending, to get it out of your head and put parameters around the experience.”

For those who have lost family members or their homes, the loss will be permanent, Bibb said. In those cases, it’s important not to attempt to rush or deny grief.

“People tell you you’ll get over it? Well you don’t,” Bibb said. “Grief is permanent – but it does get easier. Life does go on.”

Ministers will have different ways of helping their congregations begin to sort through the losses, of course. The Rev. John Bush, interim pastor of Fellowship Presbyterian Church, 3406 Meridian St. in Huntsville, will preach at 11 a.m. Sunday on “Where Was God on Wednesday?”

God on Wednesday was where God always, reliably is, Bush said Saturday afternoon: In charge of a universe in which God continues to create, in league with his creation, and to bring order out of chaos. God was not, Bush said emphatically, protecting some and not others. The winds came, Bush said, because they were consistent with the way nature functions.

And the face of God, Bush said, is seen in the faces of those who are moving to help their neighbors.

Note: Those interested in volunteering with storm cleanup can call 211 for local opportunities.

Complete coverage from The Huntsville Times

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